On The Boogeyman

A reflection for the parliament.

Maybe you remember the Veggie Tales sketch “Where’s God When I’m Scared?” I know that it scared my wife, along with a decent amount of the Veggie Tales imagery. Looking back, she definitely wasn’t overreacting—some of those frames are forever burned into my mind.

So, where is God when I’m scared?

I would currently posit that God is there and not there.

I just saw an Andy Squyres post where he said, “I like having situations in my life that require faith” (paraphrase). That would answer my question perfectly. Since God is both there and not there when you’re scared, by this logic, if you have faith, then God is there more often than not, and if you don’t, then God is there less often than not.

I fully respect that view, and I think I’ve even believed it myself over the years. But the season in which I find myself, I don’t believe God is there. And I’m finding it hard to believe faith could even be a salve on my current wounds. I know plenty of people are going through worse, much worse, but I think deep down, faith is a gift some people have and other people don’t. And knowledge can only take you so far.

I have to work my ass off to feel something of any resonance when it comes to matters of faith. That isn’t to say I’ve found my bliss, my solace, or my peace. I’ve just gotten more accustomed to the discomfort.

My wife and I are burnt out, and I know that that’s contributing. But I would be remiss if I didn’t write on the days I’m struggling.

I don’t have all the answers. Not even close.

I don’t even want to have all the answers.

I just want to be able to breathe a little deeper today and avoid breaking down.